singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
