She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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