That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
