could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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