I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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