Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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