Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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