Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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