Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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