You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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