Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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