sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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