god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize