Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
