Your dad touched me again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
