I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
