btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
