I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
