Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
