Can i not drive my cunt home
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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