the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
