The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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