He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
