Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
