Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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