I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize