That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
