Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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