I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
