So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
