I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
