if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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