Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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