I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
