If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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