I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
