Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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