high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
