You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
