just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
