dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
