we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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