it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
