I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
