he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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