I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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