I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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