a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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