Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
