I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
