Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
