i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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