i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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