4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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