i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
