yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
