Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
