nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
