Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
