yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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