Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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