guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had sex on a roof
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
