I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
