Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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