I am in a vortex of obligation.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
