her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my poor anus
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
