between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
