I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
